Talking Tips for the Tongue Tied

Published: 09th April 2006
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When you need to speak with someone new, do you break out in a cold sweat, wondering how you can impress the other person? Do you worry that you babble too much? You'll actually have a better chance of making a connection with the other person if you give up the idea that you have to impress them.



Instead of trying desperately to impress new people you meet, why not just relax and be yourself!



Making friends with new people is not as difficult as you might think. In fact, to many people, making friends easily wherever they go is a skill that comes naturally to them.



Why? Because they are not focused on themselves, and instead they try to focus on the other person.



People who are more socially successful realize that not every conversational encounter is going to turn into a long term relationship. Some conversations are just fleeting and don't go anywhere. That's just the nature of life. You don't need to blame yourself if it doesn't turn into anything else.



People who are shy, or who are less socially confident often think that whenever they meet someone new, they have to say something really interesting and brilliant, right from the beginning. They have very high standard for themselves.



They think they have to really put up a great performance to impress the other person. If the conversation fails, they assume it was their own fault because they weren't impressive enough.



The truth is that most of the new people that you meet are not really looking for a brilliant conversationalist. They might be a little bit curious about who you are, and they will also be wondering if you are interested in them.



What they are looking for is someone who will be fun to be with and somewhat interesting. But the main thing most people are looking for is someone who seems interested in them!



That's why, if you want to be successful in your conversations and in your relationships, it's important to become a good listener. You have to show genuine interest in what the other person has to say.



To show your interest in the other person, don't spend too much time talking about the mundane things around you, like the weather, or your surroundings. These things are great for starting off a conversation, but if you want the conversation to develop further, you have to start branching out into other areas.



And don't spend too much time talking exclusively about yourself, your experiences and your opinions. Too much of a dose of this is likely to turn off your companion and make him want to avoid you in the future.



You can ask the other person a few basic questions about themselves. Nothing too personal! Be sure to also offer up a little bit of information about yourself, your likes or dislikes, or your opinion on some neutral topic. Notice whether the other person lights up with interest about any topics you mention.



This can give you new interesting areas for both of you to discuss. Remember that making a conversation is a little bit like a dance ' it takes two people to tango.



You have to have a balance in your conversations. This means, a balance of talking and listening, and a balance of how much you reveal about yourself.



The conversation won't succeed if one person has to do all the work. Take turns going back and forth. Neither person should dominate the conversation, but it's also important that you don't stay back and let the other person do all the work while you reply with one word answers.



It's a good idea to avoid any intimate personal disclosures with a new person you have just met. In most cases, the other person doesn't really want to know the innermost details of your life in a casual conversation.



People who easily make a lot of new friends have mastered the fine art of conversing with those they have just met. You can learn this fine art as well.



If you don't feel comfortable making casual conversation with new people you have just met, you will find it harder to make new friends. You will also find it more difficult to fit in at your work place.



You will get better at making conversation with new people if you have more practice, and if you make an effort.



Don't hold back and let other people make all the first moves. If you have been holding back, waiting for other people to do all the work in the relationship, you are shirking your responsibility in making the relationship move forward.



Here's some additional ways to show your interest in other people: Smile. Listen. Look at the person you're talking with.



If you work at improving your skills at talking with new people, this can be the first step in making many new friends.



This article was written by Royane Real who is the author of several self help books available at her website. Do you want to get more of Royane's life improving tips and ideas? Sign up for her free newsletter at http://www.royane.com

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